i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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