i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
