Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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