I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i came on her dog
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
