I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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