Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
