Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize