i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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