I am in a vortex of obligation.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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