so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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