Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
