I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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