Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
