Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
