my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
