If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
