Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
