and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
