My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
