Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
