just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
