Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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