I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
