What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
