i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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