TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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