I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
