my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
