I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
