tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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