Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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