I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize