Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
