He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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