Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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