My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
