nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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