But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
