That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
