I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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