if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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