i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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