yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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