Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
