the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
