sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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