i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
