I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
