Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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