Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
