dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
