I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This baby is an asshole
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
