I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
