I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
