Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
