Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
