A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
