yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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