drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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