I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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