There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
