I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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