I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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