Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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