She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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