woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
